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Problems With Solutions
8 Ways to Stay Civil Through Your Divorce
By Jennifer Coleman, M.S./ Ed.S., N.C.C. 
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Sep 20, 2007, 09:19

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It can be tough to get along with your future ex spouse during the divorce, but research shows the biggest gift you can give your children is to find a way to remain civil no matter what. Your children will fare much better if you learn to co-parent effectively and remain respectful.


1) Always encourage a positive relationship with the other parent. It's not your responsibility to make this happen, but it is your responsibility to give your child the opportunity.

2) Never bad-mouth the other parent.
If you can't think of anything good to say about them, at least speak respectfully.

3) Do not share details of who was at fault in the divorce.
If one parent is to blame for the divorce, children are put in a bind - they are no longer able to display love and affection for the parent at fault for fear of further hurting the victim parent.

4) Allow your kids to enjoy their relationship with the other parent.
Your children have a right to a positive relationship with both parents no matter what the parents did to each other.
5) Never make your child choose sides.
Children fear rejection by either parent. Focus on your role as a parent and keep your child from having to choose one parent over the other.

6) Don't undermine the other parent's authority.
Always uphold that the other parent is still a parent. If you don't agree with something they do as an authoritative figure, speak with them privately. And again, keep it respectful.

7) Maintain respect for the other parent—no matter how hard it may seem.
Your child deserves to view both parents with respect. In fact, it is required for a positive relationship! As your child grows older, if there is real reason not to respect the other parent, they will figure that out without you telling them.

8) Focus on the good qualities of the other parent.
Focusing on one or two positive qualities of the other parent will allow for much easier relations. For example, he or she always told funny stories at bedtime or had a lot of patience in teaching your little one to tie their shoes. Keep that in mind when you are talking to your child about them.

Jennifer Coleman is a Life Transition Coach at Rosen Law Firm and assists clients through the emotional transition that accompanies the legal process of divorce. She is a National Certified Counselor and specializes in marriage and family counseling.


About Rosen Law Firm
Rosen Law Firm is one of the largest divorce firms on the East Coast with offices in Raleigh, Charlotte, and Chapel Hill. Founded in 1990, the firm is dedicated to providing individual growth and support to couples seeking divorce by helping them move forward with their lives. Our staffs of attorneys and other legal professionals expertly address the complex issues of ending a marriage. Our innovative approach acknowledges that divorce is so much more than just a legal matter. Practice areas include child custody, alimony, property distribution, separation agreements, and domestic violence relief.
For more information visit:

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