The toddlers are watching too much television. So I am limiting their viewing now to just a few shows each morning. Naturally, they are having withdrawal. Oh, the tears and the protests!

The two-year old is hopping up and down. "Down, down, down!" he cries. "Down with this idea, Mom!"

The three-year old, a self-styled technician, keeps turning the television on and off, but all she can get is the music station I have it tuned to.

Worse, they know we have the SpongeBob movie and that's all they chant: "SpongeBob movie, SpongeBob movie!"

"No more SpongeBob movie. You've seen it five times this week and it's only Tuesday."

You know your kids have spent too much time with the third parent when the majority of your toddler's vocabulary has to do with a group of cartoon characters that live in a pineapple under the sea.

It's true! My two-year old can say all the lines WITH the characters. And now he's saying them when the television isn't even on. We're sitting at the table eating lunch and he looks at the empty chair beside him and starts talking to...no one!

"Hi, Bubble Buddy! Hi, SpongeBob!"

"Aiden, eat your sandwich."

"SpongeBob wants a cookie."

"SpongeBob needs to eat his sandwich first." Now I'm talking to imaginary characters....

Like that's a first.

Maybe my son will end up like me--a writer. I hear that repetition is a good thing for toddlers. It helps improve their language. Way back when I was a child we memorized nursery rhymes. Today's kids memorize television shows. But that can work to your advantage as a parent.

Got a cranky toddler in the checkout line? Start singing one of those tunes from Blue's Clues or Dora the Explorer. Toddlers grin like crazy-- "Hey, look! Momma swallowed the TV! Do that again, Momma!"

So you go to the dry cleaners, the post office and the bank singing most of the programming for Nickelodeon and the Public Broadcasting System. Before you know it, you have seven more kids toddling along and more moms are encouraging their little ones to join you--like you're the in-house nanny.

"How much do you charge?" a mom asks you.

"Oh, I'm not--."

"She's free! It's a free service!" Before you know it, they've roped off that section of the bank, moved in a playhouse, a coloring table and some pop-up books. There just aren't enough graham crackers in your purse to go around.

Somebody tugs on your pant leg. "Hey, Missus, where are the rest of the toys?"

"I wanna color!" "I want a snack!" "I have to go potty!"

Isn't this about the time you wake up in a cold sweat and thank God it was just a dream? Or was it?

>From the living room you hear the theme song to your toddler's favorite television show...they re already up and getting their TV fix and you have to drag yourself out of bed and deny them access. So they go ballistic and you start singing the theme song to their favorite show. Then the doorbell rings.

"Is this Mommy's Little Helper Daycare?"







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Jelly Mom is written by Lisa Barker and syndicated through Martin-Ola Press /Parent To Parent and is available for newspapers, websites, e-zines and newsletters. For more information and details, please contact the the editor at ParentToParent.com.

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